HOLLYWOOD — Bruce Willis may have survived plenty of onscreen explosions, but on Saturday night, he got through a different kind of scorcher: A celebrity roast.

Indeed, Willis felt the heat on topics ranging from his one-note acting range, lack of hair, love life and music career. They didn't hold back.

"They" were a diverse batch of roasters, ranging from roast master Joseph Gordon-Levitt (who co-starred with Willis in "Looper") and Dennis Rodman to Martha Stewart and Willis' ex-wife Demi Moore (who made a surprise appearance).

Here are some of the best (publishable) jokes from the evening:

"Bruce Willis is what you get if you isolate the white part of Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson," Gordon-Levitt said.

Gordon-Levitt again, this time about Willis' divorce: "Bruce, we're going to have a good time tonight, but don't get too comfortable because later we're going to be replacing you with Ashton Kutcher."

"This is a real personal moment for me, to be here roasting my dead cousin's second-favorite action star," said comic Nikki Glaser. "You had an amazing action film career until Jason Statham started balding."

Another dig from Glaser: "Bruce has been very active with the Make-A-Wish Foundation, which is where they make sick kids meet you so dying doesn't seem so terrible."

"If you wanted to be humiliated, clearly we both know you could've just released another singing album," said actor Kevin Pollak, who was in "Hostage" with Willis. "Some of you may not know because he bought every copy, but Bruce released a R&B LP back in the '80s. I did some research to find out whose idea this album was. Turns out, it was his manager. And by his 'manager,' I mean cocaine."

"Hollywood wouldn’t be Hollywood if they didn’t reward a man for aging into mediocrity," said Willis' "Moonlighting" co-star Cybill Shepherd.

Roast regular Jeff Ross had the best version of a popular joke about the twist ending in Willis' "The Sixth Sense": "Bruce Willis used to be a big action star. Now when you look in the mirror, you see dead people. I hope this roast doesn't end with you realizing your career was dead the entire time."

And Moore had a few solid jabs:

"I was married to Bruce Willis for the first three 'Die Hard' movies, which makes sense, because the last two sucked," she said.

And then: "Our daughters are incredibly well-adjusted, considering two of them are half Bruce Willis."

Finally: "People wondered why our marriage came to an end. I think it's because some jealousy started to creep in. ... Bruce never got over the fact that I rocked the bald look better than he did."

Did the movie star have anything to say after taping the three-hour verbal assault (which Comedy Central airs on July 29)?

"My head is my head, that’s all," a smiling Willis told reporters after the show ended. "It cannot be fixed. This is it."