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A former translator for Osama bin Laden wants a cat as company in Guantanamo Bay and thinks LeBron James should apologize to Cleveland.

You can't make this stuff up.

Carlos Warner, a lawyer representing Muhammed Rahim, an Afghan who translated for the late al-Qaeda leader, sent a letter to a Washington Post blog detailing his client's complaints and comments from the U.S. prison. Mostly, he wanted to let people know that certain prisoners were given cats.

But he couldn't leave without a shot at James, the Miami Heat star, Olympic gold medalist, NBA MVP and NBA champion. From the Post:

In addition to sharing the news of (Majid) Khan's cat, Rahim had another thought to share with his lawyer, who we should note, is from Akron, Ohio.

"Dear Mr. Warner!" he wrote in a separate freshly declassified letter. "Lebron James is very bad man. He should apologize to the city of Cleveland."

Warner says Rahim's sentiment about the NBA star who left the Cleveland Cavaliers for the Miami Heat reflects his client's tribal values, in which loyalty is paramount and "betrayals are not tolerated or forgiven, although an honest apology from an offending peer is valued."

But, really, Rahim? That's so 2010.